How to find the Lord

For the one who do not have a community or a person to direct you. This is for you. The isolated and alone not knowing where to start.

You hear about Seeking the Kingdom of God and to turn from sin, yet you read your bible, pray and some attend church ceremonies, you read self help books and all those things yet nothing happens. That was me once too.

Let me guide you on the way through my testimony. Yes no church, no pastor, no one to guide me. I read self help books on faith and the' how to', in fact I started to collect them, and they did not get me there.

I did find the courage after having a very bad experience, an attack of the enemy, that left me in such a state thinking the the Lord would not accept me. Yet I still persist in hoping that I have a chance. Then I read a book on 40 days to living a life with a purpose and I did not finish the book for once I confessed with me mouth that I believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and that Jesus has died on the cross and rose after three days, for our sins, then something happened. I just did this in my room alone with no one present. I also had listed my sins and confessed then or had the list with me. The Lord heard my prayed and did something that left my in awe.

I looked at me body and it was shining, like glowing, sparkles everywhere and I was filled with such joy. He washed me clean on al my sins. That glow lasted for three days and then I did something. I sinned. I did not know the value of what I carried in my. My sin was something that may people debated on and had opinions about yet that was not God's truth. Yes there are many who claims to know and have studies the Bible and can recite the Bible able to teach you many a thing, yet that does not mean they have a personal relationship with the Lord and that is knowing of Him and having knowledge of Him but have not walked with Him. So yes being in a relationship not married and committing sexual acts is a sin.

So that glow and sparkles were dimmed and I felt lost and wandered off in the wrong way as to listen to people teaching me the gospel and still remains in that relationship which was very toxic and this went on for a long time until that day when all the pains and sorrows became too much for me to deal with. During that time I heard and audible voice in the night saying where I will end up if I continued on that road. Yes that scarred me so. Despite that voice and me, still not knowing what to do and how to let go of this toxic relationship, I prayed and seeking the Lord more and more. Starting to read more from His word, and spending more time in His word. Then things did not started to change until the day I sat after hearing about surrendering and letting all things go and giving all things to the Lord. A total surrender to Him. My heart, my relationship, my life all things and then He took over and changed my life. Surrendering all to Him.

Yet what does surrender mean? It is giving all your problems, issues, sins, anything to Him to rest in the knowledge the He is in control and that He takes all you give Him and repairs it, and give you a new repaired healed part of you in return. Trusting Him with your issues, problems and sins and habits that does not align with His word. This included guilt and shame and yes fears. Knowing that He want to help you. Yet this is a process not an instant fix. There are many tears and waiting and not seeing the result but keep going to Him laying your troubles at His feet in prayer. Just talking about how you feel and what happened and laying those pesky emotions at His feet by talking to Him, asking for direction and what to do and trusting that He is working even if you cannot see it yet. (because He is)

So I am no longer in that relationship as it was not ordained by Him. Let me also say this to be clear on this. The Lord is not to one who brings upon these troubles. That is the enemy as he want to hurt a person since he have a legal right, as if one sins, he may torment the person. Pains, sorrows, depression, addictions, clinging to things, anger and fears all these and more he brings to you, yet that is what you bring to the Lord and He delivers you from it and teach you how to battle these as He equips you. This is a journey a walk with Him. Daily renewal of your mind, heart and ways aligning them with His, at His pace as He knows you and know what works for you. All you need to do is to be willing and allowing Him to change you. And daily repentance of sins, iniquities and transgressions. This is not a once off event but daily seeking His mercy and believing in His forgiveness, so no need to over and over asking for mercy for that same sin unless you have done it again. And yes once you start to walk in freedom and His peace, then you do not want to sin. For His love is flooding you heart.